10 ways to annoy the house of night characters
by little claireina cullen
Summary: very random characters included are: zoey, heath, aphrodite, darius, stevie rae, damien, jack, the twins, erik, neferet, stark, loren, grandma, nyx, kalona, zoeys mum, the step loser and maybe a few others xxx rated T just in case xxx
1. zoey,heath,aphrodite

10 ways to annoy the house of night characters

Zoey

Tease her about her human puppy dog (heath)

Total her vintage Volkswagen beetle

Ask her if she filled her marks in herself with paint

Burn down starbucks

Tell her heath calls her his pleasure mobile behind her back

Tell her that someone set her V.W Bug on fire and sent it towards starbucks causing it to burst into flames

Kill her grandma and burn her lavender farm

Call her a retarded bitch in Cherokee

Use her and lose her

Try to dominate the world starting with the Tulsa house of night

Heath

Tell him zoey calls him her human happy meal behind his back

Ask him how much zoey pays for his stud services

Ask him repeatedly if he's gay and when he says he isn't tell him it's ok that he wants to hide in the closet for a little longer.

Tell him stark shot an arrow and aimed at him

Use and lose zoey

Break his and zoey's imprint

Tell him zoey is sleeping with erik and stark behind his back

Keep reminding him that zoey lost her virginity to someone else

Kill zoey

Destroy all the alcohol in Tulsa

Aphrodite

Call her afro

Call her affy

Tell her darius is sleeping with the dorkameise twins (yes both of them)

Tell her all the clothes stores in Tulsa have been burned down

Tell her that her wardrobe is on fire

Kill darius

Tell her that the twins have better style than her

Tell her that you can see a grey hair

Cut her hair while she is sleeping

tell her that Stevie Rae is in love with her


	2. erik,stark,darius

Erik

Tell him Zoey is sleeping with every other vamp, fledgling and human around apart from him

Dye his hair green

Tell him his poetry sounds like it's been copied out of poetry for dummies

Burn his comic books

Tell him he looks like Clark Kent only less hot and more retarded

Tell him Zoey is now a lesbian and would rather shack up with Stevie Rae than him

Kill Zoey

Seduce Zoey

Put make up on him in his sleep and remove all mirrors from his room

Replace his clothes with Aphrodite style stuff

Stark

Push him into the sunlight

Chase him with a lighter

Tell him Erik is hotter than him

Kill Zoey

Imprint with Zoey

Break his archery stuff

Shoot an arrow at him for once

Tell him Damien and Jack is looking for him. They want a threesome

Tell him Kalona still gets into Zoey's dreams when he sleeps with her then ask him if he really is a man.

Tell him duchess is dead then yell April fool when he tells you it's not April say oh it is true then.

Darius

Kill Aphrodite

Cut his face

Tell him Aphrodite still fancies Erik

Tell him Aphrodite is sleeping with everyone else apart from him (yes that includes the girls)

Set him on fire

Total the hummer

Kiss Aphrodite in front of him

Set all the cats in the house of night on him

Shave his head bald

Tell him raven mockers are hotter than him


	3. the twins,damien,stevie rae

The twins

Tell them their hair is greasy

Kill Beelzebub

Burn down every shoe store in Tulsa

Sleep with TJ and Cole (yes both of them)

Destroy every single copy of the film 300

Tell them their clothes are out of season

Paint their room emo

Tell them their affinities suck

Tell them that Aphrodite has better fashion sense than them

Wait till they get in the showers then make the water run freezing cold

Damien

Kill jack

Sleep with jack

Burn his wardrobe

Burn his dictionary

Call him a smartass queer

Kill Cameron

Tell every other gay in the house of night that Damien fancies them

Tell jack you slept with him

Tell the popular jock fledglings that he fancies them

Spike his drink with blood

Stevie Rae

Set her on fire

Kill her imprint Rephaim

Sleep with Dallas

Kill Dallas

Shoot an arrow through her

Burn her ropers

Kill Kenny Chesney

Smash her CD collection

Rip up her Kenny Chesney poster

Cut up her cowboy boots with a buzz saw

**thanks to all you amazing reviewers i am now going to update daily xx keep those reviews coming people they inspire me to write :D xxxxx**


	4. neferet,kalona,jack

Neferet

Stake her and cut HER head off for a change

Kill Kalona

Sleep with Kalona

Be more powerful than her

Use the elements to kick her skanky lopsided ass

Call her an old woman

Set her hair on fire

Tell her she's a stuck up bitch with a brain the size of a flea

Punch her in the face (it will be an improvement)

Burn her clothes (might not work cos being the skank she is she'd probs just prance around naked)

Kalona

Stop him from getting into girls dreams

Tell him Aya rejected him because he's an ugly tosser

Set his wings on fire

Trap him underground

Kill neferet

Banish him

Ask him if he raped women because he's so ugly he couldn't pay a woman to sleep with him

Kill his retarded looking bird brain sons

Sleep with neferet

Resist him

Jack

Smash his laptop

Kill Damien

Sleep with Damien

Stomp on his iphone

Tell him a three year old is better at arts and crafts than him

Tell him his present wrapping sucks

Tell him zoey smashed the snow globe he got her

Tell him Damien changed teams and is now sleeping with zoey

Call him technical geek

Kill duchess


	5. Loren and The Step Loser

First off I am so sorry I haven't updated in forever and there really is no excuse so please enjoy and don't hesitate to moan at me for the lack of updates xx many thanks xx Claire

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned I just annoy them they belong to the wonderful P.C and Kristin Cast.

Loren

Stake him through the heart

Decapitate him

Tell him his poetry sounds like and kiddies nursery rhyme

Kill Neferet (yes because that would be such a bad thing)

Sleep with Zoey

Tell him he's a puff

Shave him bald when he's sleeping

Put concealer over his marks so he panics when he looks in the mirror the next morning

Tell him his class is more boring than garden shows

Piss in his blood

Step Loser

Tell him his faith is a pile of bullshit

Tell him he looks like fat pigeon

Tell him what to do

Stand up to him

Tell him his wife is an atheist

Tell him the devil is behind him

Call him a demented prick

Call him a bible basher

Burn the bible in front of him

Put blood in his drink

And remember push that review button and tell me what you think xx

Me: review and heath will be your best friend

Heath: what!

Me: shut up I'm in charge

Heath: no your not

Me: I'll give you cake

Heath: okay but I expect my cake before the next chapter

Me: deal, now heath tell the lovely readers that if they review you will be their best friend

Heath: review and I will be your best friend, there I said it can I have my cake now?

Me: no

Heath: what! You said I could have cake!

Me: your fictional dumbass you cant eat cake, Claire 1 – Heath 0

Heath: ughhhhhh

Me: now do as heath says and review :D


	6. authors note

_**Authors note**_

_**I'm so so sorry this is not an update but there will be another chappie up soon :D x**_

_**This is just a reply to a review I felt rather insulting written by taylorlautner18 look on the reviews and you'll see what they put anyway.**_

_**I feel that you telling me what I can and can't put in my chapters and calling me a jerk was rather rude because I'm actually not a jerk far from it actually and if you don't like what I write then don't read it. And also I am also very respectful of other peoples religions' as RE is one of my favourite subjects and am actually expected an A* at RE when I do my GCSE's. and I only wrote the thing about calling him a bible basher because I felt it would be something that would annoy him.**_

_**So anyone else wanna have a go at what I wanna put in my stories? No? good. Cos I will reply in exactly the same way as I did to this little prick.**_

_**On a lighter note thankyou ever so much for the amazing reviews all you other readers have posted as the make my day and inspire me to keep writing xxx**_

_**Cheers guys x loveyou x**_


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